Made in Love and For Love

As I ponder the words inclusion and belonging, I cannot help but connect these ideals to the truths of our human nature: that we were created to be interpersonally relational. As children of God, we are made in love and for love, no matter our ability, no matter our IQ or station in life. All are made in His image and are deserving of a place in this world, with an inherent longing to discover our unique purpose within the time we are given. That purpose, that calling, is found within the loving arms of community. With a sense of genuine belonging as one of our greatest resources, we have the confidence and support we need to become the person we were truly created to be.

When I consider the life and future of my child who has special needs, I needn’t look any further than the community into which the Lord has placed us. He knew from before her creation the needs that our Eva would have and entrusted us to provide these for her in our quite imperfect capacity. But beyond the walls of our home and the boundaries of our property (which Eva has surely tested on multiple occasions!), He has surrounded us with vibrant, loving, and pro-active faith, school, and extracurricular environments that not only embrace all of who Eva is, but hope in all that she will someday be. Indeed, it does take a village, and when raising a child who requires an incredible amount of vigilance and extra assistance, we, as parents, realize this in a very profound way. We need community, too.

What became very apparent to me upon Eva’s birth was that I was now a part of something extraordinary. While this unfamiliar world of special needs wasn’t something I would have necessarily chosen for my life, it has now become something I would choose again and again, should the Lord offer me a “do-over!” Whenever I happen to run into another “special” individual, it is not only the child to which I am overwhelmingly drawn, but also, in a very powerful way, the parent. When our eyes meet at the dentist or the supermarket, when we see the other as a member of the “club,” there is an almost instantaneous sense of knowing, of understanding, of comradery. There needn’t be any words exchanged in that beautiful, brief moment; we simply validate. We silently acknowledge the occasional sleepless nights, the terror of the perpetual escape artist, the stares from a sometimes-unforgiving public, the constant vigilance, the numerous specialist visits, and the fear of an unknown future. We validate the fatigue, the worry, the unpredictable … and the obedient, humble submission to it all, no matter the cost or the inconvenience. Why? Because He first loved us. Because He chose us for this task and we accepted. Because this child has something to teach the world, but He first needed to teach us.

So, why are we hard-wired for connection with those who “get it?” Because He wanted to remind us that we never walk alone, that we all have special needs in our own way, and that those needs are met when we are there for one another, to share the burden and the joy of this journey. The community we create amongst ourselves, as parents and caregivers, will enable us to continue to create beautiful communities for our children who so desperately need to belong. In order to do this, we must find ways to both seek out and offer respite for our wearied souls, to lift one another up, to be that reassuring voice that says, “I see you.”

I, for one, am indebted to God for the lessons He has taught our family through Eva, for the community He has provided because of her, and for the exuberant yet simple joy she brings to our daily existence. I am humbled to be part of such a selfless, life-giving network of believers, and I sincerely look forward to the many ways that the Lord will use our gifts and talents to further His kingdom here on earth, precisely through His obvious venue of choice: the bonds of community.

Carole Tessier is the wife of Rob (25 years!) and mother of 9 beautiful children, the youngest of whom is blessed with an extra chromosome. She and Rob recently became grandparents, and live on a hobby farm in Warrenton, VA with the 7 children who still reside at home. Carole is a student in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Divine Mercy University, in the hopes of someday serving the mental health needs of our community.